The average person spends approximately 90,000 hours at work over their lifetime..

FUcorp New Hire Starter Pack

Welcome to FUcorp — where dreams go to die and synergy goes to get restructured. This New Hire Starter Pack is everything a fresh recruit needs to survive their first quarter in corporate purgatory. Whether you’re onboarding into chaos or just want to cosplay as someone who still believes in “alignment,” this collection has you covered.

Each item is designed to help you navigate budget blowouts, vibe-based performance reviews, and vision board meetings that go nowhere. Because at FUcorp, we don’t just onboard — we emotionally prepare you for disappointment.

Warning: May cause spontaneous eye rolls, existential dread, and a sudden urge to call The Employee Feedback Line.